Hooray for homecomings!

I have been on my own this past week.  My amazing husband took my three monkeys on a road trip to see his parents in sunny Fairhope, Alabama.   After this trip, I really believe that my husband is the best there is.   

This was no wimpy road trip that you do on a sunny morning's drive.  Oh no...it was a kick butt 20 hour road trip with a wickedly awesome hotel-with-a-pool overnight.  And, to top it off, this trip came complete with its own stomach flu!  You read correctly...stomach flu.  You see, while enroute, my middle guy started in with some vomiting.  There is nothing that brings out a father joy more than vehicular vomit!  Later, while in the hotel, Ben's other end started up as well.  Poor Ken was Ben's bed buddy too.   Ken's description of the whole event was humorously horrible!  I felt awful for my son and worse for my husband.  To top it off, once they got to Fairhope, this big nasty bug worked its way through each of my four family members.   Yet, every time I talked to Ken, he demonstrated a sense of humor and did not even complain.  Amazing!

Thankfully, the bug was as fast as it was gross.  After about 24 hours with each person, it seemed to be done.  Fortunately, they were able to soak up a few rays and enjoy some relaxation before starting the journey home.

I'm not gonna lie.  I have enjoyed some of the peace and quiet while they have been away.  However, I have also missed my crazy bunch an awful lot.  So, I decided to share just a few of the things I missed about my fabulous four!

First off, my hot hubby....

- his handsome good looks
- his great sense of humor
- his Legotime with the kids
- his backrubs
- his good perspective
- his amazing blue eyes
- his cute smile and dimples
- his care for people
- his smart thinking about many things
- his deep thoughts about God

Now to my zany Zachary...

- his crazy imagination
- his gift for drawing
- his gift for writing comics
- his sensitive spirit toward himself and others
- Zac sized hugs
- the help he offers so frequently
- his charming good looks
- his silliness
- his care for his siblings
- his hard work

On to my busy Ben...

- his big eyes
- his funny sense of humor
- his goofy made up words
- his smile
- Ben sized hugs
- his sugar
- his energy
- his persistence
- his pursuit of fun
- his care for others

And, finally, to my engaging Eliana...

- her sweetness: just look at that cutie pahtootie!

- her incredible imagination

- her free-loving spirit

- her stories

- her songs

- her snuggles (aka Elly sized hugs)

- her fashion sense

- her care for others

- her peacemaking

- her love for her brothers

I cannot imagine my life without the other four parts that make up my whole.  Though there are mommy moments when I long for quiet and stillness in my busy life, I would not trade what I have for the world. I have an amazing husband who reminds me daily that he loves me.  I have three fantastic kids who remind me daily what it means to live out loud - in the good stuff and in the hard stuff.  

It won't be long before the silence in my quiet home is broken and the freshly mopped floors are dirtied.  Lucky for me, that means it won't be long before I get to scoop up my kids to love on them and plant a big ole kiss on my hubby.  Hooray for homecomings!!

Getting to the root.

Have you ever thought about how many things have roots?  I never really had before yesterday.  The reason I was thinking on roots is kind of gross.  I am risking eminent embarrassment and possible social ostracization by sharing whence these thoughts came.  This may be, therefore, one of those blogging moments that actually does hurt.  But, here goes...

I was thinking about roots because.... I have a plantar's wart!!  Okay.  Leave now if you must.  I understand. 



Here is a picture of pretty feet in the ocean to remove the image of my foot!



While I was looking for some ideas as to how to deal with said disfigurement and source of shame, I read multiple times that you have to get the root out.  Now, in further reading, warts don't actually have roots, though many people believe this medical myth.  Nonetheless, before I realized that I had fallen pray to the wart root fable, I started thinking about how many things have roots...

plants

teeth

hair

problems

movements (grass roots)

words

numbers (square roots)

nerves

nails

families

music (the base note in a chord)

With so many things having roots, surely they must be important.  Of course, they are.  Roots are foundations.  They are origins.  They are building blocks.  They are stabilizers.  They are transmitters of the things that sustain. 

And, in thinking more about roots, I came across the following description:  

What do a plant’s roots do? They keep the plant from wandering away from where it was put. They take in nutrients from the soil to feed the plant. They take in water to keep the plant from drying up and dying.

I really like that definition.  It is simple and to the point.  My 5 year old could understand it.  I could understand it.  And, I especially like the part about keeping the plant from wandering away from where it was put.  We would all be a little freaked out if plants suddenly wandered away from where they were put.

If roots are so simple and yet so important, what about my own roots?  What are the things that give me nutrients, keep me from wandering, and keep me from drying up and dying?

I kind of feel like moving back to Minnesota was a return to my roots.  Even though I was born in Virginia and moved to Indiana in high school, most of my childhood shaping was done in Minnesota.  Most of my immediate family is still here.  Coming back to Minnesota and spending time with family has offered some great nourishment.  It has fed me.

Yet, these "roots" are not necessarily permanent for me.  If for some reason my family moved away or something should happen to them, my presence of roots would no longer be here.  The sentiment of rootedness would be, but the tangible sources of encouragement and sustenance would not be.  In honesty, if my family was not here, it is unlikely that we would have returned to this area.  Even though I like the area very much and have fond affections within the memories made here, it is family that brought us back "from wandering away from where (we) were put".  Many of the things that once shaped my memories and root system are no longer active in the shaping of new memories.  And, as a result of many moves, I have been uprooted again and again from the physical places I have enjoyed and the people that I have loved by birth or grown to love.

Granted, I have my own direct family - 4 amazing people that I am deeply rooted into.  There would need to be some major earth shaking to undo the roots of my husband and children.  Yet, in reality, one day my children may move away and my husband (I cannot bear to think it) may pass away.  I refuse to even imagine that my children might pass away before me, but...  And while those roots will still exist until I'm old and gray wise and graceful, they will be different.  Always invaluable, irreplaceable and true, but changeable nonetheless.

So, what then?  If the things that seem to hold me into place are sadly, but humanly, temporary, where might I root?  What can I have a forever kind of confidence in?

My only answer is the One who is the beginning and the end...and the everything in between.  I can dig down deep and root myself into God's love for me.  I can trust that no matter where I go, I can draw up nourishment from Him so that I will not wander away from where I was put (my purposes in life) and so that I will not dry up and die emotionally or spiritually.  With each address change, every goodbye, and the repeated packing away of my material things, the truth of God's love for me carried me further than I would have imagined. 

It is my rootedness in Christ that has sustained me in challenging moments as a parent or a spouse.  It is the nourishment that comes from God that has kept me confident when I've had multiple medical scares.  It is the foundation and friendship with God that has kept me from fully drying up when I felt lonely or afraid.  And, while there were times when I felt like I was in a dry season, it was my history with God that reassured me that the rain would indeed come and quench the ground around me again.  These roots are not the temporary type.

Yes, it is good to come home to the roots I once left behind.  However, it is far greater and sweeter to be rooted into One that will never leave me behind.  

Ephesians 3: 14 - When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

The Hoyts

It's been a few days since I've written, but the post I hoped to have up tonight is still in process.  So in it's place, I will leave something that is sure to inspire you.

Today, because of a FB friend's link, I was reminded about the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt.  I first saw a video about the father and son a few years ago during a staff training.  I couldn't help but cry.  And, I wasn't the only one.

I was amazed by the love of this man toward his son.  Sacrificial love.  Live out loud love.  Selfless love.  I was amazed by the determination and passion of this son.  Gutsy.  Brave.  Amazing.

As I watched, I was challenged and humbled as an individual and as a parent.  Those feelings rang true again today.  It caused me to pause and think about the ways in which I love my children and how much more I might be able to love them.

And, as I watched, I was reminded again of the great potential that lies within each of us.

There are a number of videos out there about Dick and Rick.  The one I'm linking to is from the Ironman Triathalon channel.  Many of the others are set to songs which, of course, are real tear jerkers as well.  The story really speaks for itself.  I don't need to say anything else except, "Watch it and grow!"

It only takes a blink of an eye...

Watching videos from the tsunami in Japan is gut wrenching.  It brings about the same feelings I had watching the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, the 2005 Hurricane Katrina, the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, and in some ways, but not fully like, the 9-11 attack.  There is a sense of awe and disbelief countered with the nauseous churning of the stomach and breaking of the heart.  On one hand, time has stopped.  How can it possibly be a week already?  Didn't the earthquake just hit?  Yet, on the other hand, the world marches on seemingly unchanged.  I continue to do all the things I did before last Friday when I first saw the horrifying images of water pouring over fields, houses, and cars.  My every day activities are no different than they were when the nation of Japan was turned upside down, literally, in the blink of an eye.

Tonight, Ken came and sat along side me.  I was sitting comfortably on my bi-cast leather sofa with a glass of water at my side, playing Scrabble on-line with a stranger in Houston.  I'd been munching on my trail mix and feeling gleefully confident in my Scrabble skills.  But then, Ken sat beside me, with computer in hand.  He was watching the latest videos posted from Japan.  Many of the videos were playing with the voices I had somehow been sheltered from before...women...men...children...crying out.  In agony.  In disbelief.  In shock.  In despair.  And then the photographs...a woman alone in a pile of rubble.  Search and rescue people bowing their heads honoring the unknown victim wrapped in blue.  The faces of two children, about the age of my oldest - one looking eerily like our old neighbor Yuey - sitting in a car with expressionless faces.  A man bent over in despair amidst the wreckage.

I tried to protect my heart.  I only glanced briefly at each of the images and videos.  I raised my shoulders to the sounds of desperate men and women, as if I could somehow block out the agony.  I focused on my game...sort of...I could no longer truly focus on my game.  Though, I couldn't find it in myself to truly focus again on the horrific images and heartache of this far removed place.  I just wanted it to go away.

But then... my friend had posted this link on her facebook wall.  The headline reads,

Students silently await their missing parents

Suddenly, I can no longer turn away.  I can no longer protect my heart from the floodgates of emotion.  I can no longer choke back the tears or the lump that keeps rising in my throat.  For this, is just too real...too raw...and too sad.  I want to run to that school and scoop up those children.  I want to hold them and caress their hair and reassure them that everything will be alright...though, in my heart, I know that for those babes, everything will no longer be alright.

I think of my own babies...my three loves tucked safely in their beds.  I should be (and am) so thankful that they are here, safe and sound with me.  Nothing can harm them tonight.  And yet, I struggle with sadness and loss for the mommies and daddies that I don't even know and for the little ones whose lives I will never intersect.  Nothing will ever be the same for them.

I know I need to break away.  I need to shower and get the stink of the day off of me.  Yet, it feels nearly impossible just now.  I feel frozen...at a loss.  My heart aches.  My head is heavy.  And the prayers that I know MUST come are slow in rising.  Yet, they MUST come.  I cannot run and scoop up those little loves so far away.  I cannot take away the fear or hurt they must be feeling.  So, I MUST pray.  And, I MUST cherish what I have here.  For it only takes a blink of an eye, for time to stand still.

Don't miss a moment...

I could not help but giggle…at least in my head.  Four men dressed in their khaki-tan YMCA maintenance team uniforms edged their way over to the wall outside GYM A.  "Let's see... Thursday... Okay… well look here.  There is a group cycling class Thursday," said the first and tallest of them.  "What is that?" said the youngest of the four.  As the explanation of the class began to roll off first guy's tongue, the third grinned and said, "so, what?  You're gonna sign up for a class now?"  "Well, maybe," said the first. "Or what about this one?" said the youngest, moving in closer to peer at the schedule.  The first took another look and then, with a hint of either sarcasm or excitement replied, "there we go... Wednesday and Thursday next week."  The younger guy said in all seriousness, "gosh, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.". The fourth, who had been hanging back, now chirped in, "well you know, you could go to a class today." Quickly, tall guy and young guy started listing off the reasons why it just couldn't happen today.  "I don't have my bag." "Um, well, I didn't bring my clothes." "Nope, don't have time today." And once again, "I just don't think I'm ready for that yet."

At first I giggled inside and grinned on the outside.  And then I thought to myself, “boy, these sound like familiar excuses...”

I am sure I could not even count the number of times I let a little excuse stand in the way of doing something good…or great…or amazing…or just what I needed to do.

an oldie, but a goodie, just for fun

Maybe I should get outside and go for a run.  Oh, nope, I just don’t think I’m ready for that..it’s too cold yet.  Maybe I should take a photography class…nope, I just don’t have time.  "Play Barbies, Eliana, right now, before I get to the dishes?"…Um no, I really need to get to the dishes, besides I didn’t bring my imagination with me today.  Maybe I ought to ask that nice woman I just met to go out for a coffee.  Oh, gee, I can’t, I don’t have my calendar with me.   I really ought to write a love note of encouragement to Ken.  Nope, I don’t have my adequate levels of gush with me today.  Maybe I should go talk to that person; she looks kind of lonely.  No, I didn’t bring my courage today.  I should sit with Zac and look at the comics he’s made.  Ummm, I’d love too, but it will take a lot of time and I just don’t think I have my full patience or attention available.  I really need to sit and pray for a while.  Oh sorry, I just don’t have time.  I need to give up junk food.  I really just don’t think I’m ready for that today…I’ll start tomorrow.  "A bike ride, Ben?"  Ummmm…thanks, but I don’t have my energy for that.

How many moments have I missed?  How many more will I miss?  Moments that make up a lifetime of memories.  I really shouldn’t let too many more slip by.   With that in mind, I'm not even going to edit this post.  Instead, I’m off to snuggle with my man.

Goodnight and thanks for reading!

Beautiful Things

First off, as a quick update for anyone who was wondering, I did not win a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference....at least not yet.  There were over 200 entries into the competition and only 2 people chosen.  I read the blogs of the winners and think they were very good!  They both had applied in past years, so it is likely especially sweet for them to have this reward to their persistence.  I am considering applying again through a couple other Proverbs 31 avenues.  We will see....

So on with today's post...

I've mentioned a few times that I am mom of a child with special needs.  It took me a long time to use those words, actually.  They still feel awkward as they spill out of my mouth sometimes.  I accepted them, however, long before a diagnosis was even given.  I knew my child well enough to know that the needs were there - along with some fabulously wonderful strengths.  Many mommas might have a hard time "accepting" the challenges they wish weren't there, but I believe, most of us, at the heart, know when our children march to a slightly different beat of the drum.  

Oddly enough, at one time...rather, on a few occasions...I told God that if He wanted me to be the mommy of a child with special needs, I would take that role on.  As well, He had given me a tenderness toward those with different abilities at a really young age.  I've been working in one way or another with individuals with special needs for about 30 years now.  My mom taught me early on that there are those who may look, learn, or think differently than I do, but who are just as deserving of my love and attention. So, I guess I should not be surprised that I was blessed with a special someone with unique needs.  

If you were to look at my beautiful family and, perhaps, even spend a little time with my crazy crew,  you may not realize immediately that there are special needs here.  Or, alternatively, you may think we all have special needs (which, in reality is so very true).  That's because my child's disabilities are "hidden", at least to a degree.  One of my kiddos has the dynamic diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  Along with the ADHD, there is the added label of a Learning Disability.  A Learning Disability is identified when a person of normal intelligence has difficulties in learning specific skills .  Unfortunately, my child's LD is not in one area, but three - reading, writing, and math.  Ugh.  Someone I love and respect who has ADD (that's ADHD minus the hyperactive piece) recently told me, "if I was graded for my effort, I would have had straight A's...I had to put in 4 times as much work and energy to get the work done."  And, it can just be so hard.  For my child.  For me.  For my amazing husband.  For our wee family.  How is it fair that one little person can be hit with so much?  

And yet, because the disability is "invisible" - no syndromic appearance or weakened limbs, no wheelchair or altered gait, just the beautiful face of a beautiful child, inquisitive and bright -, even though we are fully aware of it's existence every single day, we are somehow, sometimes caught off balance by it.  My friend Laura Luyt used a great analogy that resonated with me so well in her blog Little Feet In My House.  She said, 

Or like when you try to go upstairs in the dark – and you mistake where the last step is? Has anyone else done this? You take an extra step, thinking there's one more there, and your leg jarringly comes down to the ground later than expected, assaulting your heightened senses in the dark. It never fails to surprise me. .... Taking steps that are landing in unexpected places and being jolted out of where I thought I was going.

That's how my life feels sometimes as I navigate in the world of invisible disabilities.  DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE...I am the first to say what an absolutely amazing child I have.  This child is like no other and has some fabulous strengths and a fun personality.  I wish a little bit of this wonderful miracle would rub off on me sometimes.  I wish I could bottle the energy therein.  If I could sell it, I would be rich.  If I could capture some of the willingness to live full out on fast speed, at least for a moment, imagine what I would experience.  If I were less afraid to look foolish from time to time in order to LIVE OUT LOUD what cool things could I accomplish.  There really is richness and wonder and amazing life living in this little person of mine!


Once again, I realize that I really must view the world and my children through the lens of the One that created them.  I need to see through the rough stuff and find the beauty EVEN in the middle of the hurricanes that come full force.  I need to encourage and support when the learning is so much work.  I need to remember that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23) and so can mine be.  I need to rejoice and celebrate the good stuff within and share it with my sweet pea.  I need to nurture the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).  And, I need to make sure I carve out the time I need - with myself, with my husband, with my other children, with friends, and especially with God - to make myself the best mommy I can be.  


If you've noticed, I have not used my child's name in this post anywhere.  I have done this intentionally.  One day I may share, but for now, there is no need.  Please respect this if you choose to comment (and I love it when you do).  I love all my kids with all their unique strengths and weaknesses.  Each one stretches me beyond myself.  Each one reminds me what an amazing God we have...a God with creativity, wisdom, strength, and a good sense of humor.  Each child reminds me that I need His strength to get me through each day of my mommy journey.  I don't know how I would ever do it on my own strength...I just couldn't.

I am thankful for my child.  Some days, I hate the ADHD and the LD because of the heartache it can bring.  But I will forever be thankful for and love my child.  I cannot WAIT to see what God has in store for my sweet baby.  I cannot WAIT to see what God has store for me - as He continues to shape and refine me.  

I'm finishing with a video of a song that is new-ish to me and which I have been so encouraged by.  If you were here with me, you would hear me belt it out at the top of my lungs.  I am just so glad that God makes beautiful things out of us, even in our imperfection and frailty.  Thanks so much for reading and soak in the song before you go.  You will be glad you did.

Easy Bake Oven

Have you ever felt like you have put a lot into something, only to get a little teeny tiny return?  If you have ever done an Easy Bake Oven project with your son or daughter, I'm sure you know the feeling.

Elly and I had a delightful time last Tuesday baking in her wee light bulb heated oven.  And, while, relatively speaking it was not truly a lot of work, it sure felt like it in light of the 4 just-a-bit-bigger-than-bite-sized-cookies that were produced.

The preparation...

The physical exertion (ha ha)...

The baking...

The end result....

There were just enough cookies so that Elly, Zac, and Ben could each have one.  Elly ended up eating the fourth one also, as she was not sure she could bear giving the last of her creations away.  Four, oddish tasting cookies.  That's it...that's all that came from dragging everything out, making a mess, dirtying up dishes, and spilling flour on the floor.

You know what?  It didn't matter.  Not to me.  Especially not to Eliana.  

What did matter was the time we spent together giggling, taking pictures, making a mess, setting timers, and learning more about the fine art of Easy Bake baking.  It mattered that Elly had a chance to do something she really wanted to do with her mommy.  It also mattered that, in the end, despite how trivial 4 little cookies might seem to most grown-ups, Elly had done something that she was proud of.  

I had intended, when I started writing today, to share some deeper insights revealed to or strengthened in me through my afternoon adventures in Easy Baking.  However, there are princess fairies that need to be de-winged, visiting kids that must be brought home, a neighbor's cat to be fed, and a tad bit of tidying that needs to happen before some visiting grown-ups come over for pizza dinner (notice I did not mention cooking!!).

Thanks for reading!  Enjoy something with someone you love today...even if it feels like a lot of work for a little outcome.  Chances are, the outcome is greater than you expect.