Yesterday was a day when the plight of "invisible", but oh so obvious challenges, reared their ugly heads. Too many times, I felt as if I was in the crossfire of a battle of wills and wits within the daily combat against ADHD. It was a day in which I heard my internal voice saying, "this is not what I signed up for" and "not again, Lord!" It was a day in which I had to force myself to remember El Roi because I was not getting the affirmation or feedback that I longed for and desperately needed. It was a day that caused me to yearn for the rest that escaped me, not even seeming within reach. It was a day where a simple act, like picking up a prescription, turned into an aggravated mission. It was a day I really wished I could have just washed away.
Oddly enough, when I look back on the day that wouldn't go away, I can see glimpses of the Divine still present...still reassuring. A symphony of sounds coming from the pond behind our house...a reminder that spring is here and life is awakening around us. Sightings of eagles and deer and hawks and muskrats...a reminder that the Creator is at work. An unprompted apology at the end of a long day...reaching out for restoration and reunion of relationship. The warmth in the air with long sun-filled day...the promise of summer. The sooner-than-expected arrival of an important document in the mail...provision revealed. A sink that is often spit covered and left unclean after evening brushing, washed out without request...reassurance that growth is underway. My sister waiting to work out (when she had planned to go earlier) such that I could work out with her...an opportunity to enjoy relationship with one of my favorite people while doing something good for myself. Having a home and a hot shower to come home to when I feel like I need to wash some of my day away and find some rest...a realization that I am far better off than most in the world when it comes to the "stuff of the world". A husband who reassures me the dishes can wait when he finally makes it home at the end of his long day...a word needed to take the pressure off my already weary soul.
I suppose some might see these as ordinary, day to day happenings. I, however, trust that they were flashes of the Divine...allowing me to have a taste of something good in a day that in many ways, was not. And, in some sense, these mini-revelations of God may not have necessarily been directed right to me or just for me. Perhaps they just were. But in their being, they were ripe for the taking and observing.
If only I had taken these moments and rested in them for a minute longer...soaking them in at the point of impact, rather than reflecting them off all too quickly. If only I had savoured the flashes of inspiration and glimpses of grace as they occurred rather than waiting to realize their relevance a day later. If only I had wondered a little bit longer why the owl was making itself known earlier than usual last night. Perhaps then, I would not have felt the need to wash the day away...figuratively or literally. Perhaps then, I wouldn't have had to remember El Roi...I would have just known El Roi (you know, God sees me). Perhaps then, the day would have been far more fruitful and much less frustrating in the end.
I am thankful for mornings. Certainly not because I like mornings...I would prefer to sleep in. But, I am thankful for mornings because they offer fresh starts. Even God's mercies - His compassion and forgiveness - are new every morning.
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,I am happy to say that today was a much better day! I am happy that things went smoother, but also that I was also a bit more aware of the Divine. I am pleased that I know God sees me in the midst of my day to day. And I'm tickled pink that my sister-in-law, Karen, gave me a shout for joy and a welcome back to writing. That was a gift for me for sure...and, in my mind, a glimpse from the Divine.
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness! - Lamentations 3: 22-23 The Message