The day started like so many do. Before the alarm even went off...the feet were to the floor and running, without fulling lifting from the carpet. The "swoosh swoosh swooshing" of fast feet dragging across the modern shag and into my room for a sweet, but all too short, morning snuggle in bed. Then out again and galloping down the stairs to find a sibling and morning sustenance.
"Slow down and pick up your feet!" I bellow, not quite ready to drag my tired body and mind out of bed.
Soon the loud, somewhat random, and occasionally obnoxious ramblings of a mind in overdrive start up. Statements of silliness are said to no one in particular, but with the clear expectation that someone must be listening. Drawers and cupboards open and close as the search for the most important meal of the day commences. Friendly sibling banter begins, though there is a hint of frustration and annoyance teetering closely to the edge.
"I'm on my way..." though I wish I wasn't. I'd rather stay in bed a little longer and cover my head with the blanket. It would be so much easier to block out the noise and the daylight for a few more moments. Perhaps today they could magically get themselves all ready for school....even the littlest one. I'm sure she could do it with just a little help from one of her older and much wiser brothers.
Thankful that my oldest is fully independent for his morning routine, I must focus in on keeping the other on task, while remembering to wake one more. How can it be that we still have issues getting through a simple breakfast? Have we not done this same routine (or some similar variation of it) for at least 2922 days now?
Deep breaths - oh right, yes....the mind and body that is in overdrive right now. Okay. I can do this. We can do this. I am not alone. I am not unseen.
I continue with the morning, ushering one out the door, awaking another, helping with toothbrushing (just to be sure), checking wardrobe choices, completing breakfasts, packing up back packs, hugging and kissing (whether you like it or not, you will be hugged by me today), arguing over who knows what, and on it goes. Okay. I can do this. We can do this. I am not alone. I am not unseen.
I am having a break now from the hustle and bustle of mommy-dom. It is my Spring Break and my parents have invited me to lunch. I've had some quiet time, writing and reading, and playing on-line Scrabble. Yet I know, by 3:00, I am back "on" with life that is not me focused. Much like the morning started, there will be others' focused things that need to get done...and may go unnoticed or unacknowledged by those that the doing is for....getting kids home from school, helping with homework, making dinner, putting laundry away, washing more laundry, emptying the dishes, encouraging an overworked hubby (who is loving what he is doing, just doing far too much of it all right now), cleaning up messes, dealing with occasional attitudes (no way, not my children), listening to random ramblings, and the list goes on. Okay. I can do this. We can do this. I am not alone. I am not unseen.
PLEASE know...I am not complaining here (at least not today). I am just stating the facts. I am so thrilled (most days) to be in a position where I have others to focus on and give love to... I cannot imagine my life without my husband and my three cool kids. BUT, the reality exists...there are days when I can feel as if what I do is just what I do because I have to do it. This is not only at home, mind you, this reality exists at work as well. There are some days when I feel like I am spinning my wheels trying to do the best that I can for the students and staff I work with. And yet, I feel like there is nothing to really show for it...or acknowledge it.
My HOPE, therefore, is in El Roi. El Roi is one of the names for God. It means "the God who sees me." (It is used in Genesis 16:13-14 when Hagar has run away from Sarai.)
If I remember El Roi, that God sees me, it matters a little bit less to me whether I or the things I do "get seen" by those I am doing for. Ultimately, my value and my strength, comes not from what others think of me, but the fact that El Roi, God sees me. That is why I can say, "Okay. I can do this. We can do this. I am not alone. I am not unseen."
If, I am scrubbing toilets...El Roi. If I am making lunches...El Roi. If I am dusting banisters....El Roi. If I am disciplining a child, even if it's not going swimmingly...El Roi. If I am writing progress notes that don't even get read...El Roi. If I am playing Barbies for the 3rd time in a day...El Roi. If I am praying for my husband's crazy day...El Roi. If I am picking up socks left on the floor again...El Roi. If I am folding laundry....El Roi. If anything...El Roi. God Sees Me!! How good is that?
Well, my time is up. My parents will be waiting for me shortly and I do not want to be late. I'll check for edits later. :)
I want to leave you with a video of a talk I saw at Women of Faith some years ago. I believe this is where I really grasped the idea that El Roi. It struck a chord then and it does today still.
God bless your socks off today. And, remember....God Sees You and loves you!